Subject to Change
by ReiaGZ
Summary: When one friend betrays another, heartache follows. But is that still a reason to commit suicide?
1. Default Chapter

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Subject To Change

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Author: ReiaGZ

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Rating: R(language)

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Disclaimer: Roswell and it's characters does not belong to me. 

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Author's Note: Hope you like. I don't like flames.

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Summary: When one friend betrays another heartache always follows. But is that any reason to commit suicide?

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(Prologue) Existence 

One thing that I've come to learn in my brief span of existence is that, _'Life is not consistent.'_ If anybody had told me back when I was still living with my family that I would at one point in my life fall in love with someone that was totally wrong for me and that I would wrap my whole life around his, I would have just laughed in their face. I would have said, _'Who me? I am my own person. _Never would I be one to conform_.'_

Then I met him.

I'm glad no one told me that because now I don't have anyone laughing in my face telling me that they told me so. That's never a good feeling. And believe me at this time in my life I need every happy feeling I can get, no matter how small. Ever since high school my life has been one big roller coaster that never seemed to go in any direction but down.

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Never asked for too much.

I didn't ask for much out of life. All I wanted was for him to love me as much as I loved him. And I thought that I had obtained that. Boy was I ever wrong. 

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All roads led to the truth.

Though all the signs had been there I didn't heed them. It took one major act of betrayal before my eyes were opened to the truth that was staring me in my face for the past four years.

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Love wasn't on my side.

He didn't love me. He never loved me. It was her love that he was seeking all along. I was just in the way. She was oblivious to all that he wanted from her. I wasn't.

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Can't blame it on the rain.

I know now that it was partly my fault that I'm in this predicament. No, who am I kidding it was totally my fault. I've always wanted him and even knowing that he was in love with her I just had to have him. 

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Friends is constant unless destroyed.

I would have done anything in my power to have him and I did. I wrecked a wonderful friendship for my own selfish reasons. And now it's all coming back to bite me in the ass.

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Stupid is as stupid does.

I was a stupid ass for thinking that I could make him forget her. I always knew in the back of my mind that she would always be apart of him. I just never thought that she would grow some balls and take back what rightfully belonged to her.

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Death is negotiable.

Now, thanks to my belief that I was his one true love, I am sitting in my car on a lonely deserted road debating on whether I should end my pitiful existence in this world.

TBC

Psssst….. Don't forget to tell me what you think. I live off of feedback.. Love ya…. ENJOY


	2. 12

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Subject To Change

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Author: ReiaGZ

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Rating: R (language)

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Disclaimer: Roswell and it's characters does not belong to me. 

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Author's Note: Hope you like. I don't like flames.

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Summary: When one friend betrays another heartache always follows. But is that any reason to commit suicide?

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(Chapter 1)

My first steps into my kindergarten classroom drew me straight to her side. The moment we turned and smiled shyly at each other I knew that we would become best friends. She was the first to speak. She gave me her name and I hesitantly gave her mine. From that moment on we were inseparable.

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"Hi, is that your mommy? She's very pretty."

"Yes that's my mommy. Where's yours?"

"She's standing over there with my daddy. Do you have a daddy?"

"Yeah, that's a dumb question to ask."

"Is not. I have a friend that doesn't have a daddy. He says that his daddy's in hell."

"What's that?"

"I dunno. But I think it's some place really bad."

"Wow! So do you wanna be my friend?"

"Sure I'd love to be your friend."

Eleven years later as we started our junior year of high school together, we were still the best of friends. We just new that nothing would change that. We had plans to go to the same college, marry brothers, and live next door to each other. Hell we even had our children married to each other already. 

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"Girl you are so crazy. We are not naming our son Lancelot. That's such a pansy name."

"Oh come on, it's so romantic."

"No."

"How about Romeo?"

"Ewww, definitely no. What about Heather for a girl?"

"Heather is such a plain name. I'm partial towards Veronica."

"Or the French version, Veronique."

"Oh yeah that's beautiful. Your Veronique shall marry my Lancelot."

"Not if you give him that name."

Though we shared the same taste in guys, it never occurred to us that one would ever come between us. And even though we had many friends that came and went, it never occurred to us that our friendship could be ruined in less than a year. It never occurred to us from that first day we made our friendship pact that I would be doomed to betray that trust.

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"Oh my God! Check out those buns of steel."

"Mmm yeah. If I could just grip them in my hand girl."

"Hell yeah. What a fit they would be."

"He's such a hottie. We so need to get his phone number."

"Hell forget the phone number, let's get his address so we could catch him as he comes out the shower."

"Your mind is such gutter."

"Yeah well if you were in my mind right now you'd want to go over there and jump his bones."

"I don't need your image of him to want to jump his bones."

"Giggles..."

I would give anything to go back to the past and tell my past self what an ass I turned out to be. Then I could alleviate all the damage that my actions have caused. As it is I'm left with the pieces of my broken heart because I couldn't stay true to a friendship that surpassed the heavens.

(Chapter 2)

Junior year was the first year that he walked into our lives. His family had just moved to Roswell from California. We were standing by our lockers when he and his sister walked past. I was the first to notice him. The moment that I laid eyes upon his countenance I knew deep down in my heart that he would one day be mine. 

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"Oh momma, check out the honey in those tight jeans."

"Where?"

"Right there he is so fine. I think I just found my baby daddy."

"Girl you are so crazy, but he sure is fine." 

"And you know it. Damn who is that hussy next to him? She better not be his girl."

"I doubt it. She's probably his sister."

"Hopefully. Cause I have plans for his ass already."

*Laughs*

"Come on girl. We're about to be late for class."

The only problem with that conviction was the fact that he felt the same sentiment in his heart when he first saw her. I overheard him admitting his feelings to a friend of his in the halls one day. Neither one of the guys saw me so I walked up behind them to spy on their conversation. 

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"I've never felt this way about a girl before."

"Never?"

"No never. I mean sure I've dated a lot of girls casually but nothing to compare to the way that I feel whenever I'm in her presence."

"She is an all around."

"Yeah, totally. She's funny, sweet, kind, and very talented."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I'm to afraid that she'll think I'm not good enough for her. Hell I've dated girls like her best friend for so long that I even I don't think I'm good enough for her."

It wasn't long after that that he finally got up the nerve to ask her out. They started dating a week later. It was at that point in time that the plan to betray my best friend popped into my mind. Getting her out of the picture was simple really. We were best friends. I knew all of her fears and insecurities.

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"Are you sure about what you saw? I mean he could have been…"

"What? Checking her teeth for lettuce? There was a lil to much tongue involved for that."

"But why would he betray me like that. There has to be a mistake."

"I don't think so girl. I mean open your eyes. Your boyfriend is a wanna be player. Why would I lie to you? I'm your best friend. He's even tried to hit on me."

After that it was all too easy. I got him really drunk at a party one night and took him up to an empty bedroom where we proceeded to have sex. I had another girl guide my best friend to the bedroom where we were. Needless to say she caught us in a very precarious situation. 

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"Oh God! Get off me you're hurting me. Please someone help me."

"God, believe you would do this to my friend you asshole."

"Wh-what??"

"Oh thank God you're here. He-he, Oh God I just want to die."

"It's okay. Here let me help you get dressed and I'll take you home."

Did I feel guilt at what I had done? Not at that moment. At that moment I felt complete and utter satisfaction. They broke up the next day. He tried to apologize by telling her he was drunk and he didn't mean to rape me. I talked her out of making his actions public claiming I just wanted to put it behind me. Three months later I cornered him and told him that I was pregnant with his child.

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"You raped me you bastard. And now I'm stuck with a kid that I can't take care of."

"Please I didn't mean to. I'll give you anything you want. I can get you money for an abortion."

"My family doesn't believe in abortions you bastard. I'm going to be a freaking unwed mother thanks to you. I was a virgin before you so cruelly took that away from me. Now I feel nothing but shame. I can't even hold my head up anymore."

"Please I'm so sorry, so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you. What can I do?"

"You can marry me. Give my child a name. At least this way my parents will be appeased."

"What?"

We were married a month later. There was a child. Only it wasn't his. It was his some other guy's. I had a beautiful baby girl that I named after his mother. He never found out that he had been duped. Or so I thought.

TBC


	3. 3END

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(Chapter 3)

Our friendship didn't last past the wedding. She couldn't understand why I would want to marry a guy that hurt me like he did. She tried to talk me out of it but I gave her some crap and bull story about my religion forcing me to forgive him. I must admit that at the time I wasn't to broken up about the end of our friendship. I was to busy basking in the fact that all my hard work paid off. I finally had his love.

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I see the tears  
I caused you to cry  
Now I know it was a mistake  
When I lied

After graduation we lost touch. She went away to college in Florida. I stayed in Roswell with my husband and child. Our friendship was over and all I could think was so what. I had what I had always wanted, his love and a child. 

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Not a day goes by  
I don't wish to see your eyes  
I wish I could bring you back my way

I became the perfect housewife. Always there to greet him at the door when he came home from work. Always there to have his dinner prepared for when he stepped out of the shower. I cleaned for him, raised [I]his[/I] child. Washed his dirty clothes, loved him as no other woman could. 

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Everyday for your love I pray  
For your love baby  
For your love  
I would do anything baby

Ten years after graduation I heard that she was returning to Roswell. She was a big time model looking good as hell. Every day I saw her picture flashed across one magazine or another. I even found out that he had a few of the magazines hidden away on his side of the closet. I didn't confront him about it though because he was mine. No way in the world would he ditch me for her. I was his wife. Right?

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For your love  
I would go anywhere honey  
And just for your love, I would do anything  
It's been awhile  
Since I felt your embrace  
Things are so sad in my dreams  
All I see is your face 

I was living in the land of delusion. Oblivious to the fact that not only did she worm her way back into Roswell but she also wormed her way back into my husband's heart. When I ran into her at the grocery store I could tell that she had changed. I just didn't realize how much. However, seeing her still did not bring me out of the land of denial. No way in hell would my husband leave me.

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I dream about the day you said goodbye  
For you your love I'll climb any mountain  
It doesn't matter how high baby  
For your love  
I would do anything baby  
For your love  
I would go anywhere honey

I visited another close friend that day and he said some things that made me fearful. His words began to crack the walls of delusion that surrounded me. As I left his house over and over the words 'My husband loves me' ran through my mind. I would do anything for him and he knows that. He would never willingly give up what we shared together. I am the mother of his child. I love him. He loves me. She has no stock in his life. She can never love him the way that I can.

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And just for you love, I would do anything  
Anywhere  
Anything  
Just name the song baby I'll sing  
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you

I left work early the next day. I couldn't take the office gossip that was going around about her purpose in Roswell. I didn't want to hear her name uttered anymore in my presence. When I reached my home and walked in the front door, I immediately knew that my life was about to get worse. I walked into our bedroom and the walls of delusion exploded with one mighty boom.

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I dream about the day you said goodbye  
For you your love I'll climb any mountain  
It doesn't matter how high baby  
For your love  
I would do anything baby  
For your love

TBC

(Epilogue - Death is Negotiable)

I was under the belief that I was his true love and their act of passion and betrayal made me realize that I was just a path that he was tricked into following. He finally found the right path leaving me with nothing but the pieces of my broken life. What did I have to live for?

As I debated heavily with myself I looked down at the gun that I held in my hands. I was nothing without his love. I planned my whole life around being his wife. I never thought that I would be anything but his wife. Why did she have to come back and ruin it all for me? Why couldn't he love me at least a little? 

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My shattered dreams and broken heart  
Are mending on the shelf  
I saw you holding hands  
Standing close to someone else  
Now I sit all alone  
Wishing all my feelings was gone  
I gave my best to you  
Nothing for me to do  
But have one last cry  
  
One last cry  
Before I leave it all behind  
I gotta put you out of my mind this time  
Stop living a lie  
I guess I'm down to my last cry  
  
Cry.....  
  
I was here  
You were there  
Guess we never could agree  
While the sun shines on you  
I need some love to rain on me  
Still I sit all alone  
Wishing all my feelings was gone  
Gotta get over you  
Nothing for me to do  
But have one last cry  
  
_One last cry  
Before I leave it all behind  
I goota put you out of my mind  
For the very last time   
Been living a lie  
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down  
I guess I'm down...  
I guess I'm down...  
To my last cry..._

"Maria, don't. It's not worth it."

With a shocked gasp I dropped the gun. "Damn you. You scared the shit out of me."

"You're scaring me by sitting in this car and holding that thing. Are you thinking about Ashleigh at all? What's she going to do when she hears that her mom committed suicide?"

I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. "I don't know Max. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. He…. She…."

"Shh, baby I know. I tried to warn you. Ever since high school, I knew that you loved him. But I was his friend and I knew that he didn't love you Maria. I tried to tell you."

"I… I thought I could make him love me. I thought that if she was out of the picture that he would forget about her."

"You were wrong and you have to live with that. But you can't let it kill you Maria. You have a beautiful little girl to think of. And she's going to need her mommy really bad."

"She's not going to need me once she finds out the evil things I've done."

"She will, believe me she will." He took the gun away from he and threw it away into the desert. "Kyle and Tess are in love with each other and there's nothing you can do about it. You've already tried and look where it's gotten you. Give up Maria. Let him go. You don't need him to define who you are. You don't need anyone. What happened to the strong girl who believed that friendship could conquer all?"

I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his neck. "I killed her a long time ago. She's dead Max."

"No she isn't. She just needs a little nudge to find her way out of hiding." He pulled her back from him and wiped the tears from her face. "Don't let them see you cry. You have some things that you need to take care of. And you need to do it with dignity."

I nodded. He was right. I had some apologizing to do and forgiveness to ask for. It wasn't going to be easy but it was a step in the right direction. 

With a breath of fortification I looked up into the eyes of the person who deserved the most apologies. "Max, will you forgive me for denying you the right to claim your child as your own? Will you forgive me for being so blind to the things that were right in front of my face all along?"

He smiled slowly at me. "I already have Maria. I forgave you a long time ago. I was just waiting for you to forgive yourself."

I took his hand in mine and together we set off to right all the wrongs that I've made in my life.

* * * THE END * * * 


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